Unfriending 400 people on Facebook

That title sounds strange when said out loud. Let me explain.

I’m something of a digital minimalist, which means that I tell myself that I must have very specific reasons to use a social media app, otherwise I should not have it. This should protect me from unintentional doomscrolling and other time-wasting activities. That’s why I don’t usually have social media apps on my phone (say, I have the Messenger app for texting but not the Facebook app), and that’s why I’m not on certain popular networks that start with Ts (1).

The primary reason that I still use Facebook (and to an extent, Instagram) is to connect with my friends, which has become increasingly difficult in the past year – what with me going abroad and all (2). The connection is two-way: I create (i.e.: I post things, including and especially these blog posts, for my friends to read) and I consume (i.e.: I catch my friends’ posts to see how they’re doing). More recently, I have found Facebook to be a potentially effective way of finding work, which involves the same two-way communication as above but with colleagues and employers (in my case, fellow researchers and professors) instead of friends – sort of a substitute for LinkedIn, which has become a dumpster fire of its own.

Considering these intentions, I only want to consume information from those whom I know and care about. And the thing about Facebook is that more than half of the time, I see things from people that I don’t know well enough to care about, which costs me precious time and mental energy (3). Similarly, I only want my posts to be seen by people who are close enough to me that they can “get” what I am writing. If you haven’t noticed, I have made this blog exceedingly inaccessible (see the way I usually use words?) in both the way that I write and the way that I distribute them (I only post on Facebook with privacy setting turned to “friends”). Ideally, I would love for my readers to at least have conversed with me in real life, or at least have enough to get my twisted sense of humor, or have similar enough background that you understand where I’m coming from with my ideas, or at least be familiar with my choice of words and phrases. I don’t particularly enjoy having to explain my stances to a confused audience who lack appropriate context (4).

But why is there such a mismatch on my Facebook friend list? Well, for one, I used to accept friend requests from people whom I hardly know (say, I don’t know them personally but maybe we go to the same school). For another, there are many people whom I knew from the past that just isn’t a part of my life anymore (and likely won’t ever be, given how much I’ve moved around both physically and mentally during the past few years) – that’s just how life works unfortunately. And then there’s also people whom I still know but just do not care about (or for that matter, like) what they have to say (5). And so on and so forth. So I went and removed them from my friend list if they fall into any of the said categories. (To be fair, it is a bit extreme from my part, but friends already know it would not be out of character for me to do such a thing).

The effect? Not much. I doubt any of the 400 people I unfriended would miss me. From my side, I also don’t miss any of them, which is not surprising at all (6). I guess the fact that it unsurprising also says something about my character and the reality of my interpersonal relationships. I do see less unwanted stories and notes (a feature that I wholeheartedly despise) popping up, which I take as a positive. I also feel a tiny bit more comfortable putting out my raw thoughts, especially controversial takes such at this one 😂. Maybe I’ll write more hot takes in the future, we’ll see.

(1) If you think that’s weird, just wait til you hear how I bought I smart watch and turn it into a dumb watch, or how I turn my smartphone screen black-and-white, or how I actively block the newsfeed when I use social media on desktop, or how I constantly have my phone notifications turned off.

(2) Even before that, we barely speak directly to each other about any but the most significant life events anymore. Rather, we throw pieces of announcement out in the wild and hope that who needs to hear it will catch it – which is a form of communication I find moderately efficient but grossly annoying (even though I myself commit it sometimes), and I think it speaks volumes to the woeful way in which we (again, the generation born into the digital age) had been rewired when it comes to communication. But anyway, that is a topic which I will touch on on another occasion.

(3) There’s also problems with the Facebook platform which forces algorithmically “recommended” content down my throat, which results in a feed where 90% of the content is from pages I don’t follow, on topics I also don’t care about. More on that on another day.

(4) I’m very sorry if you feel confused, it’s not your fault, it’s mine. But understand that I do it on purpose and maybe my writing isn’t for you.

(5) I also fully expect people to act the same and unfollow/ unfriend me should they dislike me or my posts.

(6) To be clear, I already unfollowed 200 friends before.