Getting over the finish line

Recently I made giangson19.github.io (it took like 2 hours) for another purpose, but quickly realized that it was probably a good idea to push my technical writing to that site. Meanwhile the personal side of myself will stay here at giangson.me. The split sort of liberates me in some way because I always found it difficult to fit both into the same page. For this side, I will write as if using my normal voice (so it’d probably make more sense if you know how I speak in real life, that’s also why I share this only for my friends). I’d probably expect myself to write more on both sites, but who knows, I’ve always been a sporadic writer at best (and not to mention mediocre).

Back to the main topic.

I’ve just submitted my last project at NTU, meaning that from tomorrow I’ll no longer have any obligation as a student – except to wait for my grades and then go on some stage to receive my fancy degree.

So how does it feel? Well, at first, relieved.

This semester been challenging to say the least. 5 courses – so 5 lectures per week, plus endless hours of self-studying, revising for quizzes, and doing projects. I’ve made it a habit of going to the Lee Wee Nam Library everyday regardless of whether there is a lecture. Coming at 10-11am, leaving at 10-11pm, everyday including weekends and public holidays. Been doing it for at least two months (not that I particularly like the books nor the bookshelves, just that the chairs are terribly comfy and the aircon is free). And I’m not even special: the library is filled with hundreds of students doing the exact same thing. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be among the elites? The good thing is that I’ve gotten comfortable with this work rate. I tried quite hard to do as well as I possibly could in my coursework but alas the results aren’t perfect. But, it is as they say, first you have to finish.

So I must have learnt a lot? Well… I learnt SOME things, that’s for sure, probably more than a few things.

Truth be told, I don’t think taking 5 graduate-level courses in one semester is a good idea. Given the chance to choose again I'd definitely plan my master differently. I need to to sit back and think about what I’ve learnt (gosh, there has been lots, as the lectures are very dense, and they go very deep too), to read papers, to do tutorials and practice. That’s the way to actually build mastery. And that requires free time. As it is, I’ve just been rotating over every course at an dizzying pace, trying to study whichever course has the quiz coming next. Imagine only spending one day to learn 1 course, then the next day for another, and every week is at least 5 such rotations. Width, yes, I was exposed on lots of important topics. Depth, not really, I did not dive into some subjects as much as I’d like. I do plan to spend the summer catching up on some topics that I think will be important.

At least I got good grades? Well, not quite.

I didn’t do so well last semester, and I think I’ll only improve marginally in this one. So all in all I think my grades are only acceptable, probably in the middle of the pack. But hey, I got over the finish line, that’s the important thing right? At least this time I feel like I was steadily walking over the line, whereas in the undergrade thesis I was literally stumbling and crawling my way through, what with a full-time job and all.

Am I even doing ok? Well, sort of.

Physically, I’m fine. Singapore’s climate has been kind to me and I have had zero health trouble since day one. Mentally, I’m stable. I’ve sort of settled into the chaos. Staying busy has the inadvertent side effect of distracting myself from other intrusive thoughts. The fortunate thing is that with maturity I’ve come to know very well where my limits are. What’s left is just knowing how push myself to the absolute limits (hence the library going habit) and stay there and not go over the line. I expect to have some more time to re-energize in the coming days.

Talking of, what’s next? Well, I don’t know.

First, I will have about 24-48 hours of rest. Then, I will focus fully on the last month of my internship at Continental. I will probably have to push myself at the same rate again – it is fortunate that I have one month of full-time work to get things done – because I’m expecting to produce some good outcomes. It will be handy for the long term. After that, I truly don’t know. I have some projects lined up but at this point it is too soon to say how things will pan out. But in this situation I have no choice but to be hopeful and optimistic.