Feel Free to Ask

Idea (respectfully) stolen from https://dontasktoask.com/ and https://nohello.net/en/.

While applying for the Vingroup Scholarship, I reached out to a grand total of three strangers for advice (they were scholarship holders). Thankfully, they all responded and gave great recommendations. (Shoutout to anh Kien, chi Thu and em Tien — even though you likely won't read this.)

Over the years, I have also been honored enough to be consulted by strangers from the internet (mostly via my LinkedIn). I usually try my best to reply to as many of them as possible, and to provide as much details as my knowledge possibly allows.

As someone who’s asked and been asked, I can say that seeking guidance from strangers is totally a viable thing to do. (Not that talking to acquaintance is any less effective — shoutout to my King god colleagues by the way). That said, I also think there are good and bad practices that will affect your likelihood of getting good answers.

Here’s the thing: there are many kind and supportive people who’re willing to help, but first you have to make yourself as “helpable” as possible. And I think the single best way to do that is to be straight and specific about your question.

Want to get good directions? Tell them about where you want to go first.

For example, sending multiple indirect and probing questions is not being helpable (e.g: “Are you doing ok?”). I understand that this might be an effort to be polite, but you should open up about your intentions eventually so that I might reply with something useful. (This is a real situation).

Asking too generic questions is also not a good idea (e.g: “How do I get into this company?”). Generic questions will lead to generic and unhelpful answers (e.g: “You upload a resume and wait.”). Some extra nice people (like myself) might ask “Which part are you struggling with?” — but I don’t think you should rely on the advisor to take the initiative. It’s you who need helping after all.

So, why not try this instead:

• Find someone with the right knowledge that may help you out.
  • (Optional) find someone with something in common (mutual acquaintance, same company, same school, etc…)
• Be polite but reasonably direct.
  • E.g: ”I’m so and so. May I ask you about this and that?” — I bet most people will go like “Oh yeah, feel free to ask”.
  • Even better, just get to the point “I’m so and so. (ask the thing about this and that)” — this will save a lot of time.
• Do your homework, and be specific about your goal, your problem and what you need from the advisor.
  • E.g: “I want to improve my answer to the past experience on the application form, do you have any advice?”.

and see how things work out?